Problems already??

At my 6 week appointment my OB noticed that my progesterone levels were dropping. She didn't have much hope for my baby and me at that point. She gave me an RX for a cream to raise my levels and told me to watch out for bleeding and sent me on my way.
Watch out for bleeding?!? What in the crap does that even mean? I looked at her with despair and said, "Does that mean I am going to have a miscarriage?" She told me that she was just going to be honest with me and let me know that a drop in progesterone usually is your body's way of "letting go" of the baby.
I was absolutely crushed as I left and cried all the way to the pharmacy. I was in total shock...I took my cream and faithfully applied it twice a day as commanded. I also got a hold of some friends and asked them to pray for my little baby and my body. For some reason my body isn't making enough hormones to keep the baby in place but I know that faith and prayer is bigger than a stupid blood test.
I continued to worry and take my cream every day. I went back for a blood test and the report wasn't good. My blood hasn't dropped but it isn't going up enough. I needed to know double my current dosage.
At that point I also had my first real U/S. I went into the clinic on an emergency basis and was filled with excitement to see a picture of my baby. The Radiology tech was advised of the worst and wouldn't tell me anything. She kept to herself as small flashes of my baby popped up on the screen. I could see it but I couldn't see a heartbeat. I asked her questions but she told me she was not allowed to tell me and that my doc would call me later. She took about a thousand pictures of what seemed like every internal organ until....finally she started with the baby. She zoomed in and I saw the greatest thing...a little heart beating on the screen. Well, I am not a dummy and I watched as she measured and counted the heartbeat...HA! I saw that my baby was measuring ahead of schedule AND the heartbeat was normal and even a little high. I was beaming inside and secretly thought about punching the tech (lets just call that crazy hormones) right in the eye. Finally she offered me a picture. She said that she has had many experiences where the girl has wanted a picture but the baby had no heartbeat. She gave me a picture and said, "I wouldn't be giving this to you if there were any problems with your baby." Phew!!! I sort of wanted to take back my visual of punching her but I also knew that she made me worry for no reason so I left my visual right where it was.
Days went by and my hormone levels were actually going up! I was constantly having emotional highs and lows from all these blood tests and it was wearing me down..
The last blood test last week was back to bad news. Even with the increase of dosage my body was not responding to the hormone cream. My OB prescribed me something called Prometrium and I had to rush to the pharmacy to get it. After many of hundreds of dollar pharmacy stops I was getting tired. This is ridiculous! I don't want to continue hearing bad news. My OB sent me back to the clinic for another U/S to make sure baby bean was growing.
This was last Thursday. I was given a late appt. which meant that Jeremy could come with me. I was very glad because regardless of what they saw, I wasn't alone this time. Being the woman in this situation has left me feeling alone and a lot like a failure. I am the one that is responsible for growing our baby the right way. I have been doing everything that all the books say and still...I am failing. I just can't help feeling like I am a bad mother already! Why can't my stupid body just be normal!?!
As we waited for our appointment I was filled with anxiety. I was trying to play it cool but I was literally shaking. Next to me was my handsome husband who is as optimistic as anyone I have ever met! He looked so calm while I sat there shaking. I looked at him with raging hormones and said, "Why aren't you worried?!?!?!?" He looked at me and smiled and said, "Because there isn't anything wrong. I am excited to see our baby. Now, can I get back to reading this good article on the financial state of China?"
I am being serious. That is what he said. I contemplated another vision of myself and my punching skills but I decided that what he said just had to be true. Obviously I have made it past 11 weeks without bleeding or cramping or even the faintest sign of a miscarriage. I should adopt his attitude. I tried my hardest to think like my amazing husband and I said a little prayer.
Dear God,
I am not sure If I can handle anymore bad news. These rollercoaster emotions are wearing me down. Please just let this be THE appointment that either eases my mind, or confirms that things aren't going to continue. I need to know the truth.
Jessi
Just then we were called back by none other than a cute pregnant girl! My heart jumped a little! She can relate! Maybe she will be a little nicer and give me a better experience than the last time.
Well, I was right. She was awesome! She got right to the point and zoomed in on my baby. What we saw finally gave me the answers that I needed. There was my baby...AND..it was moving around soo much she could barely get a picture. My cute little baby had arms and legs and was swimming around like a hyper little human. I kept laughing because it was the cutest thing I have ever seen. The little legs would push off the side of my uterus and swim all over. You could see the little feet clear as day. A fat little body with tiny arms and legs and they were moving all over! I was shocked! I asked her if it was normal that babies move around at this age and the tech was smiling and just assured me that it is perfectly normal. She said that I had an active one on my hands and that that is very good news...I just knew that everything was going to be okay. How could it not be. My baby was having the time of its life inside me and here I was thinking that I was going to lose it.
Needless to say I have switched Dr.'s and cannot wait to see someone else. Anytime I feel scared or down I just think of that appointment and how much joy this little thing that I haven't met has already brought me. I am soo in love with my baby and I cannot wait to meet him/her in September.
As for my hormone levels...I do not know if the prometrium is working yet. I have my next appt. in one week from today and I do not want to worry about it. I am doing everything I can and that is all that I can do. I have faith that my body will start to behave and everything will be just fine.
I am 12 weeks today and this is the day I have been waiting for. All the books that I have read and people I have talked to have told me that once you hit the 12 week mark and have heard a heartbeat..your chance of anything going wrong goes under 1%. Those are pretty good odds if you ask me :)